Monday, May 02, 2005

I have an acquaintance who is particularly representative of the overachieving nature of my school: he is a junior like myself--not a senior--but in the coming two weeks he's taking AP exams for Economics, US History, Psychology, Chemistry, Government/Politics, and BC Calculus. And the thing is, I know he's going to do really well on them. (What really gets me is that he's a totally arrogant, thoughtless, taunting-type boy.) How can I compete with someone like that though! That's what kills me: I'm a good student and everything, but my classes are packed with kids like this, who are also part of the student government and AcaDec and the newspaper and science team and basketball and track. So anyway. I hate school. I feel like it's over and I have two months left. I really wish I were homeschooled or something, since I learn infinitely more from reading and museums and newspapers and my out-of-school things than I do in school. The only thing I'd miss is seeing my friends. Anyway... I can't wait till this year ends, it's been tough in more ways than one.

(This is a picture that I feel accurately illustrates my plight. I love Edward Gorey.)

Also, I have a rather devastating crush on this boy, the kind where your chest feels like it's being squeezed in a vice and your skin tingles all over and you blush all the time. Probably only the second time I've ever felt like that. I really wish I didn't know anyone who read this blog; it makes me feel more awkward about going into specifics. Well, suffice to say, his name starts with an E. and he has a girlfriend. I don't even know him well at all, it's totally irrational. (I guess I'm an irrational girl.) So. One more thing to agonize over, a schoolgirl crush.

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I don't really want to go to college. I mean, everyone keeps telling me how great it's going to be, but I can't imagine four more years of school. Oh well, I wouldn't let my parents down like that, by not going. But besides the selfish aspect of wanting to get out of school, there's also the problem of money. I have an older brother and a younger sister who will both be in college at the same time as I will, so I decided a while ago that I'd pay my own way through. Damn, though. I might end up going to whichever school gives me the biggest scholarship. I don't really want to go to college.

Oh, and I think I might have mono; I'm so fatigued all the time and I have to try to keep myself from taking naps, because once I fall asleep I physically cannot get up for hours, and even then with great effort. Inertia? Eh.

I apologize if this post is rather angsty. There are too many things going on right now. Happy May though; May must bring good things, right?


Anonymous oki said...

I have the same problem, my brother, sister and I will be giong to the same high school next year, which means at some point we will all be in college. I'm the oldest so I better get a scholarship, and anyway I would have to regardless becuse they can't afford the colleges I want to go to (art schools can be quite expensive).

I rarely have crushes on smart least school-wise. They are always the type that doesn't apply themselves. Of course I haven't even had a real crush since last year, which makes me happy.

9:38 AM  
Blogger T.C. said...

Yep, I'll probably be applying especially for all those essay-writing scholarships come next year. What art schools are you looking at?

Oh, and I always fall for the smart ones.

4:30 PM  

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