Sunday, January 02, 2005

Murderer dream, back to school

Listening to Iron and Wine's Such Great Heights. I like the Postal Service's version better, but I do love this song no matter what. "But everything looks perfect from far away"; it makes me think of the way that so many people seem 2-dimensional and dull but, in truth, everyone has a tangled up mind. Everyone. At least I hope so, so that I won't be alone in my tangle.

I had a strange dream last night. It's odd, because I rarely remember my dreams and I've remembered quite a few lately--and both have been disturbing. This one more so than the last one I wrote about.

I dreamed that this woman (embarrassingly, the mother of one of the kids I babysit, who is a really nice woman) was trying to kill me. She had a knife, I think, and when I saw her coming towards me I somehow managed to secretly dial 911 on the phone and I just prayed that I would be able to distract her until they came. And I hoped that the police station had some way of knowing where the house was, because I couldn't talk into the phone. (This all occurred in my house, though, which is even odder.) Then I guess I managed to tenuously pin her in a chair, her back to the window. A minute later, a white unmarked car drove slowly and silently down the street and I could see it out the window--I knew it was the police, and I was safe. I had to keep a poker face, though, or else she might lunge at me.

Moments later, a female police officer came and took the woman's knife away, and cuffed her. She didn't even protest or try to get away. Then the police woman was saying what a good job I did, and suddenly all the tension and fear came flying into me belatedly and I just started shaking madly, shell-shocked. I could hear her voice but I couldn't tell what she was saying; it was like I was floating a few feet above everything, and I was just filled with the most suffocating fear. Then I woke up, and I felt horrible and frightened even once I saw I was safe in bed. I had insomnia for the rest of the night, then took a long depressed nap today. I hate remembering my dreams when they're like that.

Sorry for such a down note. Tomorrow's the first day back at school, and I felt physically sick all day, so filled was I with dread. I really have a horrible aversion to school--I can't wait till I'm out of it. Too far away...

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