Thursday, January 13, 2005

Lawn order, the siblings, oft-mispronounced words (as boring as it sounds), blushing, about me, The Purple Lake of Desolation

So, my mom was just watching Law & Order and I made the same "Oh, you mean LAWN ORDER?" joke that I make every time she watches it. But this time I did not stop there--no way. I went on to say "On Lawn Order, instead of busting people for having weed in their car, they bust people for having weeds in their gardens!" My dad chimed in, "And instead of 'hos, they have hoes!" I elaborated, "They don't worry about raping 'hos, they worry about rakes and hoes--or WAIT, WAIT, I have a better one: hose. Water hoses. Ha!" So there you go, you've just experienced my AWFUL sense of humor.

Sometimes I worry that you all will think I lack a sense of humor entirely. I always begin my posts thinking, In this one, I'll dazzle them with my wit and humor. But I can never think of anything remotely humorous while I'm typing. It's mostly in the shower that I think of things that strike me as really funny. That's when I always think, I should remember this and blog it so they'll all know I can be funny sometimes! But alas, the shower is not a convenient place from which one can blog. Ah well.

Incidentally (because let's face it, we need a change of subject), my brother signed up for his second semester of classes at college today. He's taking something like three math classes, Economics, and the requisite English class (he chose one focused on the Arthurian legends). And Economics has a lot of math, too, so that's essentially FOUR math classes--madman! (Totally off-topic, but have you ever heard that Salvador Dali quote, "The only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad"?)

Considering we're all made from the same genes and only two years apart each (myself being in the middle, at 16), it's quite astonishing how different my siblings and I are. Reading the Times in the morning, for instance, we would never argue because my brother would take Science Times or Circuits, I would take the Arts section, and my sister would take Business Day (she's 14!). My brother reads sci-fi and swords-and-sorcery type fantasy books exclusively; I read all different kinds of fiction, but I've only recently begun delving into the whole SF/fantasy/cyperpunk area; and my sister reads mostly nonfiction. My brother and I are web-geeks while my sister is not. My sister worries by panicking and whining loudly and often; I worry by becoming very tense and upset inside but not telling anyone; my brother does not worry. Et cetera.

Speaking of siblings, my sister is very nit-picky grammar-wise and I thought I'd make a short list of common errors that she will kill you for making.

1. Saying you feel noxious when you should be saying nauseated ("A noxious smell makes you nauseated!" she'll say, "otherwise it's like saying you feel nauseatING")
2. Mixing up "less" and "fewer"...
3. ...or "was" and "were" (ah, the forgotten subjunctive tense)
4. Pronouncing nuclear as nuc-u-lar

Ha, mispronounced words is a good segway. I find it very mortifying when I say aloud a word that in the past I've only read, and then I mispronounce it; though I myself make this mistake on occasion, it remains my belief that if someone says a supposedly intelligent word but mispronounces it, that person then looks like a complete fool. (And I already make a fool of myself as it is, I don't need more fuel for the fire.) So...here are some words that I mispronounced for an embarrassingly long time before my mom or dad corrected me: magnate (it's not mag-nate but mag-net), vehement (not veh-HEE-ment but VEE-heh-ment), minutiae (not the mangled min-u-tay but min-u-shah). Also, whenever I read the word Tucson I want to say tuck-sun but luckily I know that that's JUST NOT RIGHT. My dad once told me that for a long time as a kid he thought misled (correct: miss-led) was pronounced my-zelled--and see, I would have thought him a fool!

Those last few paragraphs were surprisingly unproductive. Let me think about anything else you guys might be interested to know...

Ah, here's one. You know that Velvet Underground lyric that goes, "Children are the only ones who BLUSH." Well, that's my segway. I don't know if I'm considered a child or not, but I blush. A lot. Sometimes I'll just be thinking about something silly or embarrassing and I'll STILL start blushing. Or if I'm making a presentation in front of a class. Or sometimes for reasons that even I can't discern. But let me tell you, I'm Irish. Oh yes, I have very very pale skin (though that is certainly aided by my hibernation and consequent utter lack of sunlight during winter, which in Massachusetts covers about nine months of the year) and pink cheeks, and when I blush, I literally look like a tomato. And it's not just my face; my neck, ears, chest, arms, back--basically, a blush for me is a full-body blush. And you just have to sit there, knowing that I'm bright red, and just keep on doing whatever I'm doing and WAIT FOR THE BLUSH TO FADE, DAMMIT. So there's that. There goes another unproductive paragraph. I'll give it one more try and then I'm leaving.

By way of segway, this paragraph is to contain a bunch of entirely unconnected facts about me. Also, because I'm feeling vain. I'm half Irish, a quarter Italian, an eighth Portuguese, and an eighth Polish. I want to be a novelist when I grow up, but I'll probably also be a journalist to pay those bills (till I hit the best-seller lists, that is). I'm vegetarian but I eat fish and sometimes I randomly crave meat so I sneakily eat meat leftovers from the fridge; I'm a BAD vegetarian. I live in a suburb in Massachusetts where the utter and aggressive focus of all my peers is to get into an Ivy League college--but none of them read, they just study. I dislike angsty teens, especially angsty teen girls, which is unfortunate because the great majority of people at my school have a Holden-Caulfield level of teen angsty. A Purple Lake of Desolation level.

Oh my god. I just Googled "Purple Lake of Desolation" to find this hilarious angsty poem I read a while ago--long story, but I read it on the Onion in an article that was making fun of awful teen poetry, and so "Desolation" was this invented poem that illustrated the angstiness. Right, but now the Onion archives are no longer free, so I Googled it to get the text for you guys and... Oh my god, you won't believe it, but MORE THAN ONE teenager had posted "Desolation" on their personal websites and claimed it as their own. They had taglines like, "Here's a poem I wrote recently that really shows how I feel" or whatever. Wow. That really just made my day. I'll stop with the boring post, just laugh with me. (By the way, the kid's other poem in that link is pretty damn funny as well, but of course it is; in his own words, it's "a little more personal. It's inspired by the beautiful lyrics of Linkin Park and Avril Lavigne...I just let it flow from my heart." One thing I learned from that: If I ever get a heart transplant, I hope I don't get HIS heart!)

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

that blushing thing is hot.

-desk003

11:41 PM  
Blogger T.C. said...

Not really, but thanks. I guess.

8:27 PM  
Blogger Shakeer said...

You use the word segway alot when I think you mean to say segue. The former is a failed transportation device whereas the latter is a smooth transition.

8:39 PM  
Blogger T.C. said...

How embarrassing. Must fix. Though I kind of like the sound of segway and it makes me think of TRANSPORTING the reader to the next topic. Oh, I'm hopeless. Thanks for telling me, though.

--T.C.

11:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shakeer, The Segway is not "a failed transportation device".

-desk003

11:18 PM  

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