Wednesday, January 26, 2005

24 and Jack Bauer love, Youth Risk Survey, McSweeney's, Pride & Prejudice, cartoons

Last night I watched 24 off the Tivo. And that settles it. I am officially in love with Jack Bauer. I mean, I had dreams about him last night. Yeah.

(I feel that this picture demonstrates Jack's intense focus and bravery.)

Why do I love him?--let me count the ways. (1) He went in anyway. (2) He wears his bulletproof vest even when he's in no danger whatsoever. (3) That hand-holding thing with Audrey. (4) His voice. (5) He chuckled ironically when Erin got a big compliment from the Secretary of Defense. And I love that literally every viewer automatically hates Audrey's ex-husband because, even thought we know nothing about him, god forbid he get in the way of Jack's happiness. So there you have it--whew it feels good to get THAT off my chest, ha. (In other 24 news, what do you want to bet that Heller's son's "big secret" is that he's gay? This idea will sound quite foolish if I'm wrong, but I want to say it because if I'm right, it will be such Jack-Bauer-like-instincts.)

On an entirely different note, here is why I love the Massachusetts (or is it National?) annual Youth Risk Survey:

1. How many times in the past month have you brought a club to school? (as in the weapon)

2. How many times in the past year have you committed suicide?

3. How many times have you been pregnant? (one of the possible answers is "Not sure")

Also, I love the fact that as I'm filling it out, I'm filling in all the E's because that's No I don't binge drink, No I don't do cocaine, No I don't bully other students, No I don't keep a club in my locker, etc. So I'm mechanically choosing the E's when once in a while I'll glance over at what I'm filling in and I'll realize that for some inexplicable reason the answers have been switched about, so for the past few answers I've been saying Yes I use heroin more than once a day, Yes I've been pregnant four or more times, Yes I often think about arson. Ha.

Also, I just thought you'd care to know that almost everyone in my school fills in "Eskimo" as nationality when we take state-wide or nation-wide tests. It's like a tradition.

Hm. I was browsing through McSweeney's Lists the other day and found a list of "Discarded Titles for 1984," the best of which were "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? Oh Right, Everywhere" and "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Faceless Omnipotent Oppressors." I also liked this list.

Ah, I hadn't picked up Pride & Prejudice for a while and yesterday I read about fifty pages and I got to Mr. Darcy's first proposal! The funny thing is, whenever I'm reading P&P I always imagine the characters' inner monologues like that part in Annie Hall. (You know what part I'm talking about, RIGHT?) The whole time that Elizabeth is shooting Darcy down you know that her inner romantic-comedy-loving-movie-quoter is thinking, "You had me at hello." Or, I suppose, "You had me at 'She's tolerable.'"

And can we all agree that political cartoons from a hundred years ago were infinitely better than today's? That is all.


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