Friday, December 17, 2004

Spider-Man 2 synopsis

I just watched Spider-Man 2 and man, was it bad. It's odd; it got really great reviews all across the board, but frankly it was one of the worst movies I've seen in a while. Of course I haven't been watching too many movies lately, but... Here's a little snippet of how I saw the movie:

Peter Parker: Oh Mary Jane, you're so gosh-wow pretty. Oh boy. The only problem is, I'm Spider-Man so I don't always have time for you.

Mary Jane: But Peter, you're neglecting me! I'm irresistable, remember? I'm an ACTRESS. You should be doing whatever I want.

Peter: But I'm saving people's lives, MJ--it's something I need to do.

MJ: Well, you know, you see people's lives, but all I see is an empty seat when you don't come to see me pretending to be British in my awful play. Seriously Peter, which do YOU think is more important: innocent lives or my vanity?

Peter: Er...

MJ: Just tell me, do you love me or not?!

Peter (unconvincingly, as he looks lovingly at MJ): I do...not love you. Sorry.

LATER ON, AFTER PETER STOPS A MOVING TRAIN AND SAVES MJ, THEN TAKES OFF HIS MASK SO SHE REALIZES FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT YES, PETER = SPIDEY.

MJ: Whoa, you're totally stronger than my other boyfriends! And you're actually really popular too--maybe we CAN get together after all!

Peter: I love you.

MJ: Wait a sec... First you say you don't love me, now you do. I wouldn't want to have a FICKLE boyfriend or anything. But I love you too. Whatever. Let's go get married on a hill; I'll just leave my fiance waiting at the alter because I'm so goddamn FICKLE. I thought he was cool because he was, like, an astronaut, but having a superhero-cum-mutant-insect boyfriend is ten times more rad.

Peter: Yeah, now I'm happy and famous, but I'm still not going to buy a house for my poor aunt who's sinking deeper and deeper into poverty and despair, even though she was there for me no matter what.

WE HEAR A SIREN IN THE BACKGROUND

MJ: Omigod--Peter, that's you! Go, go Peter!

Peter: Can I just rest for one second? I'm trying to get my bearings and--

MJ: NOW, PETER! I think we both know who's going to be wearing the pants in this relationship, and from what I can see, YOU prefer tights. So get your ass out there before I change my mind and go back to one of my fifteen other boyfriends.

Peter: Er, okay. I love you!

MJ: Like, whatever.

1 Comments:

Blogger Moon Goddess said...

I havent'n actually seen the film, but that was a really funny synopsis. If indeed it does follows those lines, it would be very pathetic indeed. Well written.

1:20 PM  

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