Sunday, December 19, 2004

The messy beauty of little kids, worrying dizziness

Right now I'm listening to the Counting Crows's Mrs. Potter's Lullabye.

Last night I babysat for J. and A.; after J. went to sleep, A. decided that we should paint each other's nails...I love it how when little kids paint your fingernails, you end up with as much nail polish on your cuticles and skin in the general vicinity of the fingernail as you do on the nail itself. It's cute, though my fingers do look vaguely but violently bloody from the blotchy red paint. I don't know why, but looking at my funny messy fingernails reminds me why I love kids so much.

I'm still really worried about my dizzy spells; they're unexplained and frequent. Please, if you're reading this, take a moment and pray for me--pray that I don't have a tumor. I know this all seems overly dramatic, but...at first I was just scared that I'd die, but now I realize that even if I stayed alive, if something happened to my brain, if I somehow couldn't function and think the way I do... I don't 'know what I'd do. My brain has always been my favorite part of me, the part of me that I'm proudest of--the source of my imagination and my writing and painting and caring. I can't imagine... Please just take a moment and pray for me.

Sorry, I don't really feel like writing any more today. I'm almost done with Kavalier and Clay, and it's fantastic. I think that next I'll read Milton's Samson Agonistes (did I mangle that spelling?).

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