Saturday, November 06, 2004

Angst (skip over), my book on FictionPress, new music

Feeling mildly depressed. I feel like I'm always wasting my time being online or writing rubbish or just sleeping. I want to DO things, I want to improve my life, improve my mind. Make more friends. The weird thing is, I'm really FRIENDLY with most everyone in my class, and I like them, they like me, etc. But they're not REAL friends. I mean, not the kind of person you could call in the middle of the night and decide to have an all-night marathon of B-horror movies and chocolate bars. And then go to school the next day. I do have a couple close friends, and a lot of people who I feel like COULD be that kind of friend, but either I or they won't take that next tough step over the barrier into real friend-ness. What is that barrier, anyway? I guess you just have to both feel completely comfortable in your skin around that person, and not care what they think of you or you of them, because you both KNOW that you really like being around each other and always will. Or something like that.

Oh, sorry for the big paragraph of angst. I try to refrain from that kind of thing (saying it OR writing it) because I know that honestly, nobody cares, and also that I would just be fueling the angsty-teen-girl-nobody-understands-me stereotypes. So.

It's getting so cold. I feel like my bones are freezing inside of me and all I ever want to do now is drink big mugs of hot tea and write and sleep. I'm really becoming a recluse. But it's so cold.

I published the first chapter of my book (it's a very short chapter though, sorry) on FictionPress. It's called The Hidden City and my penname is Tulpa (look up that word on Wikipedia...)--I tell you this because I realized AFTER publishing the chapter that there already exists another story on FP called The HC. Grr. But go read it, and leave a review, because it makes me happy.

It's weird when you hear a cover of a song before you hear the original. That's what happened with Heart of Gold--first I heard Tori Amos's really strange version, then later Neil Young's real version. I like them both, but Tori's version seems more real to me, and now that's how I'll tend to imagine the song when it's stuck in my head.

I downloaded a bunch of things by the Shirelles, the Ronettes, Martha & the Vandellas, and stuff from The Royal Tenenbaums and The OC (oh GAWD, I know, I know...) soundtracks. I love the new speedy Limewire! Anyway, that's pretty much all for now. I'm off to go DO things with my, at least I'm off to go shower, clean my room, and do my math homework.


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